Last Drink

An old Army sergeant wasn't feeling very well so he went to the doctor and had a check-up.

When did you last have a drink?" the doctor asked him.

"1945," said the sergeant.

"That's a long time without a drink," said the doctor.

"It certainly is," said the sergeant. "It's nearly 2130 now!"

Military Chat

During the second Gulf War, I was an Air Force colonel. I routinely flew on different aircraft to familiarize myself with their capabilities. One day I was aboard an intelligence aircraft where each crew member was surrounded by complex gear.

A young major showed me his computer screen. "That's a chat screen, Sir," the soldier said. "We use it to relay enemy information to the crew. It's like instant messaging."

Nodding, I moved down the line. Flashing on an airman's screen several feet away was this warning: "Heads up! The colonel's on the way!"

The Armed Services

One reason the Armed Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language.

For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.